


for educational purposes only

by hypothetical_otters



Category: John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme, The Monster Hunters (Podcast)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 06:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5486981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypothetical_otters/pseuds/hypothetical_otters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, since you asked me for a <i>spoilers removed<i> story.</i></i> as of 11/02 this story is comprehensible as long as you listened to todays episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	for educational purposes only

**Author's Note:**

> I can't write a summary without massive spoilers. if you weren't at ski safari (the 2015 Mighty Fin musical) don't read this until after series five of JFSP has aired. I'm assuming the thing this is based on will be in the next series but idk. hopefully someone who's at the recording on the fifth will tell me. If you don't mind spoilers, then keep reading. Title is that because i can't remember what percentage of Roy's stories are embellished to make them more educational, and we haven't transcribed the episodes yet so i can't check the number.

Well, since you asked me to tell you the truth about the story I told you last week... Firstly that is incredibly rude and I did tell you the truth. Well, in as much as the robot was created (by me, that bit was true) and it was stopped. It wasn’t exactly stopped by me, but I was asked to help, and I did try. Alright. Since you really want to know what actually happened, I’ll tell you.

The gentleman who had brought this matter to my attention (the matter in this case being the robot version of our esteemed yet deceased monarch- her Royal Highness queen Victoria) reappeared about a week after he had first arrived in my laboratory accompanied by two other men. I say reappeared because they had literally appeared in my laboratory when I arrived home from a long day trying to capture the queen. I say capture. I don’t mean capture. One doesn’t capture the queen, unless chess is being played or some sort of royal hostage situation is taking place. Neither of these things were happening, so I should have said trying to find the queen. Yes, that’s much better. 

They had literally appeared in my laboratory when I arrived home from a long day trying to find the queen. The robot queen. 

“Queen Victoria’s brain!” I exclaimed, for as you well know this is one of many things I might exclaim when shocked or surprised by shocking or surprising things. 

“What are you doing in my house, and how did you get in?” I asked once I had recovered from both the shock and the surprise. 

“We’ve come to help.”

“For the foreseeable future we are the robot-er hunters!”

“As I’ve said before Roy; our name doesn’t change depending on what we’re hunting. And we're The Monster Hunters. What we need a collective name for I don’t know, but we have one. Anyway. To answer your other question; your house keeper let us in.”

“Did she? What did she do that for? Haven’t I told her not to let people in to the house unless it’s of vital importance?” this last question I asked more to myself than to the strangers who were for some reason still standing in the shadows where I had first spotted them. 

“This is of vital importance.” The government had finally spoken up. 

“Oh is it? What could be more important than finding the queen and saving London? “

“Nothing. That’s what we’re here to help with.”

“Oh I see.” I said because I did.

“How will you help?”

“This is what we do.”

“Find robot versions of previously dead monarchs?” damn and blast. My claim to fame as the inventor of robotic monsters that are scarily accurate representations of ex monarchs was disappearing before my very eyes. 

“No. We hunt monsters.”

“Are you suggesting that the queen is a monster? Because if so, that is treason sir, and it is a punishable offense. Punishable by death!”

“Not at all. We find and stop creatures from ending the world.”

“And this seems like a situation that could end the world. Like the beast of Albion all over again.”

“It’s one robotic queen Roy. It’s not being controlled by the government. I don’t think it is at least.”

We all turned to look at Sir Maxwell. They presumably knew if he had information and I deferred to them in light of their experience in the field. 

“What? Why are you all looking at me?”

“Is the robot being controlled by the government?”

“What robot?”

“The giant robot queen that has been burning buildings down and crushing everything.”

“Oh that one. Not to my knowledge it isn’t being controlled by anyone. But it would be like MI16 to have a hand in this.”

“So we’ll assume she’s working on her own. Should be easy enough to stop her.” 

“Did you install a way to shut the robot down, in the case of any emergency?”

I gasped at that. “Who’d dare presume to create a robotic monarch and install a way to stop them?!”

“People with foresight perhaps?” 

“What are you suggesting about me?”

“That all depends. Did you install such a button?”

I hadn’t actually, but if the man hadn’t worked this out for himself then I wasn’t going to enlighten him. 

There was a pause and he must have come to the conclusion that i hadn't done this. 

After a long conversation about the things they thought I ought to have installed into the robot and the things I had actually installed, we decided (they decided) that the best way  
forward was to go and look for the robot and then they’d do something clever and London wouldn’t be destroyed. 

We found her gazing into the metal face of the statue of Prince Albert. I won’t tell you again what happened, because if you were paying attention last time you already know how  
this tale concludes. 

And now you know the truth. Don't think this makes my other stories any less true. They're all true. 

Goodnight!


End file.
